i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I party with great urgency now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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