What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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