Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
