I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i've created a new STD.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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