Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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