i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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