Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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