When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
