Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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