her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
