it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.