Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him