Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
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