it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol