Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.