Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.

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(817): If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral. http://tfl.nu/qqbj

Replies (13) Good night (3015) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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(718): View more from New York

Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.

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(718): Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen. http://tfl.nu/l1y2

Replies (34) Good night (4503) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
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(402): View more from Nebraska

birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.

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(402): birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented. http://tfl.nu/mdbr

Replies (20) Good night (5708) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
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(816): View more from Missouri

My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.

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(816): My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning. http://tfl.nu/zsoe

Replies (34) Good night (1137) Bad night (9517) Order T-Shirt
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(973): View more from New Jersey

He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'

(973): View more from New Jersey

Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.

(229): View more from Georgia

Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?

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(973): He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass' (973): Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic. (229): Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom? http://tfl.nu/xp9a

Replies (9) Good night (3953) Bad night (850)
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(317): View more from Indiana

All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.

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(317): All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America. http://tfl.nu/3zlb

Replies (13) Good night (5858) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
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(850): View more from Florida

Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.

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(850): Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day. http://tfl.nu/xqgd

Replies (13) Good night (4129) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
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(317): View more from Indiana

So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing

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(317): So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing http://tfl.nu/lzer

Replies (15) Good night (3325) Bad night (1171) Order T-Shirt
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(907): View more from Alaska

On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.

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(907): On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks. http://tfl.nu/rprq

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(716): View more from New York

Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.

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(716): Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day. http://tfl.nu/hsum

Replies (4) Good night (1086) Bad night (440)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.

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(417): I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer. http://tfl.nu/udvx

Replies (3) Good night (968) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.

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(780): I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/b7sx

Replies (6) Good night (1248) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
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(765): View more from Indiana

So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever

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(765): So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever http://tfl.nu/rkn4

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(512): View more from Texas

Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!

(1-512): View more from Texas

Did she say Ok?

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(512): Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA! (1-512): Did she say Ok? http://tfl.nu/jji5

Replies (8) Good night (2086) Bad night (536)
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(607): View more from New York

Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend

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(607): Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend http://tfl.nu/0ja4

Replies (2) Good night (553) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt

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