Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.

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(815): View more from Illinois

His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.

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(607): View more from New York

I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(303): View more from Colorado

I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.

(540): View more from Virginia

I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus

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(217): View more from Illinois

Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.

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(217): View more from Illinois

the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him

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