I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
