So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
