btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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