At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Still dying that you shit outside
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
