I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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