I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
