bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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