I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
