well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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