That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
