Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
