And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
