and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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