Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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