John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
