honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
