He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
