stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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