I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
