Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
