these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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