I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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