Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
