saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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