I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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