apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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