nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
