Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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