Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You're like the curious george of whores
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
