he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I would ride that face into the sunset
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
