yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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