you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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