She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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