just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
