her vagine was all disorganized.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
