Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
