We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
