oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
