Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
