oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
