So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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