she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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