2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
