Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
