I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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