so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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I have feelings that need drinking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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