Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize