You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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