Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
