Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
