I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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