I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
