why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
